I had a coaching call with a woman recently that was struggling with making friends and, as she put it, “fitting in.” After asking her some probing questions about why she felt this way, I discovered that she had strong feelings of unworthiness and an overall disappointment in who she was.
We spent the rest of our phone call uncovering some lies she had about herself and working through some beliefs worth quitting. Beliefs like: I don’t have a purpose. I’m not good at anything. I’m a mess. I’ll feel worthy only if people approve of me.
Looking Back
When I do coaching calls like this I can’t help but look back on my own life. I had some of the same struggles. For years I had low self-esteem and virtually no confidence in myself. This manifested into an eating disorder. As the years went by I became very good at hiding behind others’ success, being a follower instead of someone who thought on their own, and comparing myself to other women. This behavior kept me from using my unique gifts and talents to bring value to the world.
My “wake-up call” came in the form of a business opportunity that came my way. It was “the thing” that forced me to take a good, hard look at myself. It thrust me out of my comfort zone. And it required me – for the first time ever – to truly get focused, become (kindly) assertive, develop confidence and leadership skills, finally start believing in myself and, most of all, recognize my uniqueness. All of these things combined made me feel powerful and unstoppable.
Ooh La La. . . You Are a Beautiful Masterpiece
You, my friend, are a masterpiece created by the Master Himself! Consider this: when an artist signs a piece of art they put numbers such as 1/100 or 1/1000 on their creation. The bottom number means they made 100 or 1000 pieces that look the same. Now consider this: You are a piece of art and you are 1/1 (1 out of 1). You are the original. The mold was broken on the day you were born. Out of 8+ billion people in the world, there is only ONE you! ONE version. With ONE set of unique fingerprints. ONE perfectly imperfect you. Simply put: You are ONE-of-a-kind!
Your Superpower is Being YOU
Fitting in is overrated. Oh, sure, it may seem like following what everyone else is doing is easier but being true to who you are is what makes you attractive. Marching to the beat of your own drum and taking the road less traveled by doing your own thing is what draws people to you. Let me encourage you to stand up tall and be assured that confidence looks really, really good on you.
Don’t get in a “seeking approval” rut. You stifle your true self when you aim to fit in and be like everyone else. You aren’t as useful to the world if you don’t allow your gifts and talents and all the things that make you tick shine through you so you can bring value to those around you. There’s power behind embracing your uniqueness. And who loves to feel powerful and large and in charge? I sure do!
5 Tips to Help You Embrace Your Uniqueness
If you feel like you’ve been steered off course by not being your authentic self, don’t worry! Today is a great day to begin making changes!
- Misery Loves Company. Look around you. Who is in your sphere of influence? Superficial people? People who are often competing against you or someone else? People who talk behind your back? People who “know it all”? These kinds of people need to go! Surround yourself with people who are transparent, who value your opinion, and who don’t mind sharing “the good, the bad, and the ugly” in their life.
- Check Your Words. What words are you saying to yourself? I’m not good enough the way I am? I’m not worthy enough? If someone knew the real me they wouldn’t like me? Do an inventory of your words and the ones that aren’t edifying need to go!
- Change Your Words. Now that you’ve removed power-sucking words and phrases from your vocabulary, replace them with power-filling affirmations. Try saying things like this: I’m worthy! I’m exceptional and made for greatness! I’m significant just the way I am? My gifts and talents will change the world! I am a work of art? I accept myself even if I’m not perfect! Perfection is unattainable!
- Stop Playing the Comparison Game! Remember the art reference I made above about you being a work of art? 1 out of 1? A masterpiece made by The Master? All of that is true. The mold really was broken when you were born. Stop comparing yourself to others. As Iyanla Vanzant says “Comparison is an act of violence against the self. ”
- Reframe Your Past. Got any old beliefs about yourself that you’ve taken from your past and brought into the present? Maybe you were told it was better to stay quiet than to speak up about your feelings or beliefs. Maybe you were told “you wouldn’t amount to much” so you’ve set the bar low and do what everyone else is doing because it’s “just easier this way. ” It’s time to eliminate lies and live up to your potential! It’s time to build a new belief system about yourself.
Get Curious
You deserve to walk your own walk. You were created with a purpose. The world needs you-not a carbon copy. Sometimes it comes down to asking yourself some simple questions to help you identify what makes you unique.
- What are 5 things that I do well?
- What hobbies do I like to do?
- What activities make me light up and feel alive?
- What activities do I hate to do?
- If I could do anything in the world, what would it be?
- What do I like the most about myself?
- When I was a child what did I dream about doing?
- What do I want to be remembered for?
- What makes me proud of myself?
- What am I most frequently praised for?
If you want to feel powerful, start by embracing your uniqueness. Give yourself some time to create some new habits. You’ll be pleasantly surprised over the good things that will begin happening when you begin walking, talking, and acting like your true self! Before I go I have a few questions for you: What makes you unique? What are some ways you’re using your uniqueness to bring value to the world? Drop me a line and let me know your answer!
What’s Wrong With Being Confident? Absolutely Nothing
It’s time to take control of your thoughts, your actions and your life. It’s time to live the life you know you’re meant to live. Want someone to come alongside you to coach you through some of the trials and unexpected events coming your way? I’d love to help!
Click here for more information.
Click here to sign up!
Don’t forget to join me over on Facebook in The Confident Woman Club where we try to empower women to be the best they can be in their personal life and in business.
