How to Un-become So We Can Become

Before I can help women, we often have to get to the bottom of what is getting them stuck. When I talk to my clients, some of them want to turn their expertise into a profitable business, but when it comes to doing the action or activity, they become fearful, they procrastinate and they won’t do certain things because they aren’t perfect.

I’ve discovered that we need to get to the bottom of what is holding them back. We will talk about getting out of our comfort zone. We will talk about doing things afraid. We talk about “Just do it.” But so many of my clients won’t do it. I have discovered that there is so much more that we need to uncover here.

Beliefs lead to actions and that leads to results. Sometimes our beliefs don’t lead to actions so we don’t get our results. What do you believe in? Do you believe that when you fly in an airplane you are going to get the results you want? Are you going to land? I know I believe it. I just took a trip last week and am taking another one soon.

Do you believe when you buy a lottery ticket you will win every single time? Not many people do. They don’t believe they will win, so they don’t take the action of buying the ticket and they don’t get the results of winning. 

There are stories we have been told about ourselves and we begin to live them out. We look for advice to support what we believe is true. You might have been told, “You aren’t smart enough,” or “You need to play it safe” or  “You need to get a college degree.” However, when we become aware of these stories we have been told, that is when we can change and be even more.

You and I can’t just say we are going to grow. We have to believe it and choose to un-become who we once were and step into becoming. Changing our beliefs will change our actions and will give us results. 

Activity: Family Map

Here is a great activity from Cathy Heller, a favorite podcaster of mine. Do a family map. Draw three stick figures. One is you in the middle. Draw your mom on one side and your dad on the other. (If your mom or dad was absent, don’t put them on the paper. If you were raised by an aunt or grandmother, put them down instead.) Underneath your mom and dad, write what you heard from them each of them and the behaviors and actions they took.

We are not doing this activity to show any disrespect to our parents. Parenting is hard. No one is perfect. But so many things from childhood we take into adulthood, and it is important that we un-become that little girl or little boy and we become a woman or man. 

Was your mom insecure? Was your dad angry? Were they discouraging or complained a lot? Did they hover and not let you take a chance? 

Underneath your stick figure, write down what you saw and heard. Ask yourself how this affects you today.  Take 10 to 30 minutes for this exercise. You are worth it. The world needs you. What is the stuff from your childhood that is affecting you today?

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