What’s Holding You Back?
Today I want to talk about all or nothing thinking. Are you familiar with what that is? I also want to talk about why that mentality will hold us back in our business, in life, and really…in everything.
People who have an “all or nothing” mentality believe they’re either successful or not. They’re either smart or stupid. They’re happy or sad. They’re confident or they’re weak and scared. They’re worthy or they’re a loser. There’s no in between. There are no gray areas, only black or white.
Can you see how this type of thinking will hold you back? These types of people are often perfectionists. They allow no room for failure. They’re often anxious people, and they often have low self-esteem. They make no room for errors and give themselves no grace.
I Need A Vacation From Vacation
Let me dwell on anxiousness for a bit. I just came back from a wonderful 8-day vacation with my husband. It was so needed, and it was amazing! However, as we all know, we often need a vacation from our vacation when we get back. It’s overwhelming to start tackling everything you set aside while you were gone. It can cause so much anxiety.
That’s where I was dwelling for several days this past week. Over everything I had not accomplished while I was gone. I started to have an “all or nothing” attitude. I either got everything done, or I was a loser, my business would tank…and I just completely freaked out.
That’s why I decided to do this post. It was getting me nowhere and holding me back. So I came up with 4 things that I believe we can do so that we’re not held back by this toxic “all or nothing” mentality.
Separate Worth From Performance
1. We must separate our worth from our performance. Your performance will go up and down – that’s just the way life happens. Nothing is always on the up and up. If we don’t separate the two, we will always be berating and over-critiquing ourselves.
What we need to do is to train ourselves to begin to look inside when things don’t go exactly the way we want them. We must look inside to the great things that are happening, because those are the things that are really worth it. Such things as learning and growing from our mistakes, finding patience while we wait for the next step, etc.
2. We must eliminate those extreme exaggerated words from our vocabulary – such as always, never, no one, all the time. We must start using words like sometimes, occasionally, every now and then.
I find this happening a lot in my own business. If we don’t start to get customers or our business doesn’t grow, we start to say those worst in our head, like “I never get a customer!” “No one will buy my product!”…and it’s just not true.
Those are extreme and exaggerated words. If we don’t get away from saying those, we will be stuck in that “all or nothing “ mentality. We must fail to get better, so these words are just plain silly.
3. We must be present. Eliminate all the extra things from your mind and just be present. Pull back from all your to-do lists and take an attitude of gratitude. Get back to the center, and be grateful for what you’ve been blessed with.
Just today, I had a huge list of probably 15 things I wanted to accomplish. I was so overwhelmed. Instead of losing my mind and waving the white flag from being overwhelmed and anxious, I decided to pull back and tell myself that my breath is a gift in my lungs…today is a gift…and to just do 2 or 3 things at a time – and do them well.
I also needed to adopt an inner mantra in my mind telling myself, “you are perfectly imperfect just like everyone else.” “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” “No one is perfect.” “I was made for greatness, and greatness comes in all shapes and sizes.”
Give Yourself Grace
4. We must realize that when you and I don’t accomplish things, we have permission to go back and begin again the next day. Pick up where we left off. Give yourself grace. So many people want to quit and wave the white flag and never go back to where they started because they feel like they didn’t accomplish everything they set out to. You just can’t do that!
You must get back on the saddle and try again. Remember that every failure that you and I experience is a lesson. It’s a continuation of learning. We’re never going to stop learning, unless we decide to have an “all or nothing” mentality. We’ll be at a standstill.
Help Me Help You!
I hope you can apply these things to your life if you’re stuck and struggling with an “all or nothing” mentality. If you got any value out of this, please share it with someone. I love to pay it forward. I love to learn things and pass it onto the next person because that’s how I learn too.
As a side note, if you have any topics that you’d love for me to cover in either my videos or my blog posts, let me know! I love learning, and I’ll do some introspection and write a post about it. Let’s agree to lean on each other…help me help you!