Not My Circus
Have you ever found yourself getting involved in a situation you shouldn’t? I was cleaning out the house recently, and I came across a little lion, which made me have a conversation with my kids about the time I took them to the circus. The phrase, “not my circus, not my monkeys” popped into my head.
We all naturally have a way of stepping into problems that we might not be invited into. This phrase is another way of saying, it’s none of your business!
I inherently have this desire to be a problem solver. I want to fix things, and I coach many people on this subject. But sometimes, it just isn’t my business!
Are You A Fixer?
Recently I realized I was losing my piece of mind because I was trying to get involved in something I shouldn’t have. I knew I needed to get out of that ring, because I wasn’t the ring master. There were other ring leaders that could step in and take over, and it wasn’t all up to me. I had to give myself permission to leave the big top.
Maybe you’re like me and you’re a fixer too. Maybe your default mode is to gravitate towards a problem and want to make it better. Maybe you’re a helper. Maybe you’re a rescuer.
Those things aren’t always bad, but sometimes, the best thing we can do for a person is to let them help themselves. You and I both know that, but it’s so hard to do sometimes. Doing this promotes independent thinking. It promotes learning. It promotes falling down, scraping your knee, and getting back up and moving on. Most of all, it promotes growth.
Teach A Man To Fish
That little philosophy of teaching a man to fish is so true. I believe the saying goes, “give a man a fish and he’ll eat for one day, but if you teach a man to fish, he’s going to eat for a lifetime.”
That’s so true! We should keep that in mind when we want to step in and fix someone else’s problems. It’s not our problem; it’s not our circus to be involved with. We should instead teach the person the tools to solve it on their own.
The other thing that can happen when we’re a fixer is that sometimes we can be taken advantage of. Sometimes you’re so sucked in to the drama that you become a part of it. So I’ve come up with 7 questions that we can ask ourselves before we jump into that ring.
Does it involve me?
1. Does this thing really involve me? Now, it can filter down to me, but does it really involve me? Here’s an example. You might have a son or daughter that decided they want to start smoking. We can express our desire for them to stop, but it really doesn’t involve us. They need to fall down and become an independent thinker and figure out the risks of smoking on their own.
Why do you think it does?
2. If it doesn’t involve you, then why do you think it does? What are your motives for wanting to get involved? Ask yourself, do I like being in the middle of things? Do I like gossip or do I like being in the know? Do you like to be validated? Check your motives, and understand WHY you feel the need to be involved.
What will it cost me?
3. What will it cost me if I jump right back into the ring and take over that circus? Is it going to cost me peace of mind? Is it going to cost me sleep? Is it going to cost me time? Is it going to cost me stress? Is it going to cost me money? Let me tell you, this is all valuable to you. You do not need to get involved in something that will cause any of these things to get out of whack.
Will I deprive that person?
4. Would I be depriving someone of growing if I jump into that ring? Remember, like I said earlier, falling down and scraping your knees is important. If I’m depriving someone of that lesson, I must ask myself if I’m doing them a disservice.
Do they want my help?
5. Does this person even want my help? Or do I just think they want it? For me, I don’t always need my husband to solve my problems; I just want him to listen. Maybe that person just wants you to listen to them.
Am I controlling or influencing?
6. Am I trying to control the situation, or influence the situation? When you control something, you are trying to make something happen. When you influence a situation, you are able to affect someone’s thinking. We should influence people and assist their thinking, not try to control them.
Am I enabling?
7. Am I supporting and helping the person, or am I enabling them? When you enable someone, you are doing things for them that they should and could do on their own. You’re definitely not doing them any favors.
Sometimes It’s Just Not My Business!
As always, I want to leave you with a little quote that goes nicely with the first one I shared.
“You and I are not required to set ourselves on fire to keep other people warm.”Share this quote on Twitter!Click To Tweet
To sum it up nicely…sometimes it’s just not our business, and we need to stay out of it!
7 Days of Affirmations
I hope you got value out of this! It’s human nature to want to step in and help people, but we truly must find the line between helping and overstepping.
If you need affirmations or you need someone to tell you you’re doing a great job, I created an entire email series that can be sent right to your inbox for FREE! It’s my 7 Days of Affirmations collection. This FREE 7-day audio collection will help you to be awakened to who you ARE, not who you are NOT! I encourage you to check it out!